Sing a song of Bastardy, 
   a lifetime full of tension,
 Four and twenty birthmoms 
   at a CUB convention,
 When the records were opened, 
   the Bastards start to sing,
 And wasn't that a nice comeback 
   for the jerks on Larry King?

Hush-a-bye,baby
We want to adopt.

When the money flows,
The cradle will be stocked.

When the law shakes,
The cradle will fall.

And down will come, Closed Adoptions!!!
cradle and all...

   Little Miss Muffet
   (Remember her she got in a fix)
   Sat on a tuffet
   (Should of kept sitting on it 9 mths ago)
   Eating her curds and whey;
   (some fool told her they can reverse the situation)
   Along came a spider,
   (you know that all knowing BN one with the glaring eyes)
   Who sat down beside her
   (proceeded to say, "Watch out, 
   many want what you have there my dear.")
   And frightened Miss Muffet away.
   (she ran and she ran and she ran )

Mary had a little girl
Her skin was white as snow
"she's quite adoptable" they sang
The PAPS with FAPS said so..

Home she went with her new DIPS
They bought her lots of presents
Just the right clothes, books and toys
Master Locks were sent

The little girl began to grow
Adolescence crept in the door
The DIPS were worried - they told her
Don't be like your mother - the whore..

I love you Mom and Dad...she lied
You are my "real family"
But, can't you understand my need?
I want to find my Mary.

She searched and searched
She searched some more
She had to lie and steal
But finally she found herself looking at Mary's door

She followed her right home one day
Her eyes were full with tears
It made Mary's family laugh and say
No Bastards allowed here

Now Mary is a wreck
She knows that she's alone
She's white and healthy - this is true
but she will never have a home

Twinkle twinkle my first mother
   how I wonder where you are
Up above this world too far

   Why must you only be a star?

To market  to market, to buy a fat babe,
Home again. home again, never got laid.

To market, to market then play in the park -
Isn't it great - a new kid, no stretch marks!

Jiggle, jiggle can of spam,
How I wonder who I am -
Down inside my cells so small
Like a timebomb ticking, y'all - 
Jiggle, jiggle, can of spam,
How I wonder who I am.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your belly grow?
With husband none and college bills
and bulging bastard in tow.